does anybody really read this stuff?

[GenoTex]

It's all a matter of appearances.

Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since High
School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange
to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Rachel arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of
Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After
the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine.
Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans
and boots. She too shares the wine.

Rachel explains that after leaving high school and graduating from
Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has
a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's
leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue ,
where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second
home in Phoenix.

Clare relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a
surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment
banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second
home in Naples,Florida .

Samantha explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her
boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in California and grow
their own vegetables. Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on
his willy.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel
blurts out the her husband is a cashier at Walmart. They live in a
small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a
nearby a storage facility.

Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains
that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They
live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Samantha says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

[GenoTex]

Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.


Oh yeah, would you call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.


We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down. That's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a super bus, though. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Your son,

Billy

[06magnumRT]

those are great Geno.

[Blu Chalnger]

Nah, nobody reads it. Quit posting!

[Fondy]

I like short jokes less to read. LOL

[GenoTex]

I like short jokes less to read. LOL

GOOD ONE Matt! LOL

[Fondy]

thought you would like that.

[GenoTex]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER..

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HI T THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[GenoTex]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time, she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh Hell, it started."

[Fondy]

lol